Saturday, 5 May 2012

Aquarium

I went and took some test shots in the aquarium. I've been looking at reflections in the water and if you look to the surface it reflects the sea life. This is all the test shots i've compiled into a 10 minute long video of some angle and shots i have been thinking about.






Thursday, 3 May 2012


One idea of what I would like to produce is a feeling of being submersed, under water or underground. Where it feels dense, heavy like feeling underwater where you can’t make much sense of things. I have been taking clips of the underground in London and sound clips, as I think it would be good to contribute it to my film. You can’t get signal underground or sea level, it’s kind of a out of touch feeling as you can’t communicate with anyone.

The noise of the tube as it screeches and thunders along is quite disorientating and could be a good asset to use in my work.

Also muffled and distant conversations overlapping the film to give a sort of distances between reality and other people and what they are talking and how it doesn’t make sense to you.


Tomorrow I plan to go to the Aquarium and film the large tanks underwater and show another world feeling, I want to look at patterns caused by water and waves and currents.


I have filmed the sun rise on the beach and it was visually amazing as the sea was a cool pink in reflection and the shore was frothy from the waves. 

Damien Hirst Retrospective. Tate Modern


I went to the Retrospective of Damien Hirst exhibition today at the Tate Modern after watching documentaries and reading about his work, I thought it be great to go see what it was all about.
There are a few pieces that I thought I totally understand what he was achieving to do here and good on him. A Thousand Years Later I think was my favourite installation, as it shows the process of life, how it’s born, lives and then dies. A dead cows head on the floor giving the thousand upon thousands of flys food, showing in a sense a circle of life how the dead body is food for another. The florescent electric fly killer being the fate of cause of death, as they fly towards it in an instant they die.
What you see is what has been happening for thousands and thousands of years, birth, reproduction and death, over and over again.
The floor was scattered with dead black dots frizzled up, it was like a holocaust for the insect world. Even being just flies, on an impact of that large of a scale it does make you think how visible death is, and how something could be moving then become an inanimate mass on the floor.



For most of his earliest work you can see how he develops quickly from painting to rather using found objects. Some people where saying behind me as I queue up to walk between the sliced cows in formaldehyde how he has his work mass produced and other people actually create them and it were something like in ikea. I thought about what they were saying but agreed to an certain extent, with most of his work you could just turn your nose up and say ‘well that’s just a fish in a case, I could of done that’. But I think it should be emphasized the point, well you didn’t’ come up with the concept, if it was so easy why haven’t you make shit loads of money off it?

With all the objects especially the pharmaceuticals cabinets it has been produced in a very visually pleasing manner, as all the coloured pills are strategically placed in order, just like how his spot paintings work. 


With the dead animals in formaldehyde I appreciate it for what it is, to me I believe it’s a representation of how live and death are so apparent. To see the body of a dead animal right in front of you but it’s missing that energy, that life. I think you can understand of what is being shown how life is fleeting, death can happen any point, it’s like a switch, your body can just become inanimate.
It’s also like how a corpse just becomes an object, which in Hirst’s work it has.


The butterfly work is impressive how they look like stained glasses windows and detail. You can see in his work the need of repetition and order, there is a process. I think without the body of work with butterflies that represent hope and lI went to the Retrospective of Damien Hirst exhibition today at the Tate Modern after watching documentaries and reading about his work, I thought it be great to go see what it was all about. 
There are a few pieces that I thought I totally understand what he was achieving to do here and good on him. A Thousand Years Later I think was my favourite installation, as it shows the process of life, how it’s born, lives and then dies. A dead cows head on the floor giving the thousand upon thousands of flys food, showing in a sense a circle of life how the dead body is food for another. The florescent electric fly killer being the fate of cause of death, as they fly towards it in an instant they die.


What you see is what has been happening for thousands and thousands of years, birth, reproduction and death, over and over again.
The floor was scattered with dead black dots frizzled up, it was like a holocaust for the insect world. Even being just flies, on an impact of that large of a scale it does make you think how visible death is, and how something could be moving then become an inanimate mass on the floor.


For most of his earliest work you can see how he develops quickly from painting to rather using found objects. Some people where saying behind me as I queue up to walk between the sliced cows in formaldehyde how he has his work mass produced and other people actually create them and it were something like in ikea. I thought about what they were saying but agreed to an certain extent, with most of his work you could just turn your nose up and say ‘well that’s just a fish in a case, I could of done that’. But I think it should be emphasized the point, well you didn’t’ come up with the concept, if it was so easy why haven’t you make shit loads of money off it?

With all the objects especially the pharmaceuticals cabinets it has been produced in a very visually pleasing manner, as all the coloured pills are strategically placed in order, just like how his spot paintings work. 

With the dead animals in formaldehyde I appreciate it for what it is, to me I believe it’s a representation of how live and death are so apparent. To see the body of a dead animal right in front of you but it’s missing that energy, that life. I think you can understand of what is being shown how life is fleeting, death can happen any point, it’s like a switch, your body can just become inanimate.
It’s also like how a corpse just becomes an object, which in Hirst’s work it has.

The butterfly work is impressive how they look like stained glasses windows and detail. You can see in his work the need of repetition and order, there is a process. I think without the body of work with butterflies that represent hope and love in life, his exhibition would be very out of balance. The room with alive butterflies was a nice touch too, as it felt like an comparision against the formaldehyde animals. As you could see them in the room hatching, flying and dying in a more peaceful way oppose to being electrocuted. But nobody would like to see butterflies being frazzled would they?


For the Love of God was very interesting. Cost 4.something million pounds now valued at 5.something million pounds, to most they might think this is profanity against the human body. But I think Hirst’s ideas of what to use for mediums to create work is intelligent, thinking of objects and ways of portraying work. After selling most of his work in Sotherbys for millions and millions of pounds, becoming in a matter of a day one of the most sought after artists for work. Why not create art from the money you have been givien of a ludricous scale and turn it into art.



It makes you think who are these people who have millions of pounds to fritter away on art, how can something be of that worth? In my opinion whoever spends so many thousands and millions on a piece of art is being mugged off by the artist. I can imagine there is a underlying thought of someone buying your work and the artist thinking, ‘Yeah you could say its worth that much if you want!’. As creating the piece was part of the process of the artist becoming, it’s what they would of made anyway, some of the pieces wouldn’t cost much at all to make.
But I understand where valuing comes when the artist has late deceased or rarity, if I was a successful artist in my twenties selling work for millions I would think people had too much money for the love of god (pun intended) why don’t you spend that money on something that is worth while and a good cause. But I wouldn’t complain too loudly, I would take the mugs money and put it to better use than they would.


Thursday, 26 April 2012

White Noise Static

I can picture the use of White Noise in my work, the fuzziness and disorientated feel where you aren't properly tuned in. I would like to create the effect that what you are seeing is as if it's tv and that you are trying to understand what is being shown to you as a viewer yet the tv set isn't working.
Here are some free clips you can download from youtube users of white noise fuzz on tv.
I shall record some of my own also.



Having seconds of flickering of this on the set and wavering, a low fi effect.







A more noiser and intense static.


Over Head Projector Art



This is an example of something i would ideally like to do, but due to logistics and costs i wasn't able to afford to buy one of these. But hoping over the summer i will be able to and create some films.

Koyaanisqatsi



This film has influenced me in what i would want to acheive.


KOYAANISQATSI, Reggio's debut as a film director and producer, is the first film of the QATSI trilogy. The title is a Hopi Indian word meaning "life out of balance." Created between 1975 and 1982, the film is an apocalyptic vision of the collision of two different worlds -- urban life and technology versus the environment. The musical score was composed by Philip Glass.


Koyaanisqatsi attempts to reveal the beauty of the beast! We usually perceive our world, our way of living, as beautiful because there is nothing else to perceive. If one lives in this world, the globalised world of high technology, all one can see is one layer of commodity piled upon another. In our world the "original" is the proliferation of the standardised. Copies are copies of copies. There seems to be no ability to see beyond, to see that we have encased ourselves in an artificial environment that has remarkably replaced the original, nature itself. We do not live with nature any longer; we live above it, off of it as it were. Nature has become the resource to keep this artificial or new nature alive.


With this film it is dellivered in an artistic way where you can take back thought and see what you make of it, or what it meant to you. This is the sort of effect i would like to achieve in my work, feeling out of balance, uncomfortable and not telling you what it is, but there for you to decided what it is. 




I think about this film alot, and it's meanings, how i feel about the world and i think it relates. It depresses me how humanity has evolved so quickly and most wouldn't even realise it. I think that we have gone too ahead of ourselves, and i know we aren't designed by nature to think for the future, but i can't see humans existing longer than another 100 years with out something catastrophic happening. If you ever get a chance to read this book do, it is outstanding how many things you learn which is at the same time repulsive. Rainforests are estimated to be extinct in 90 years and at least 3 atomic bombs to kill off a large percentage of population is estimated in the next 200 years or so. I have been heavily influenced by work and books that propose ideas on society these days, that if men didn't take take take, and women were more incontrol, the world would be more nurturing and wouldn't be creating fucking nuclear war arms. 





Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Music videos



This is a music video by Pink Floyd "Comfortably Numb" this is sort of effect i would like to acheive in my video as you do get the sense of 'numbness' from it.  I also think how using a collage of combination of various clips of different things happening. Like how there is a shot of worms to the man being ejected with medecine.



This video which was edith and performed by Lana Del Ray, she has used a mixture of clips and made a sequence. This is something i am looking to do.

Monday, 23 April 2012

Artists

I strongly believe for a fact that all art cures the artist, for whatever means of creating it expresses and can show literally how someone visually sees and feels. When i see a piece of art i  never judge it for how it looks for aesthetics, i look for the mood and senses it gives off. I feel for an atmosphere and try to see what the artist is trying to tell the viewer. People who have such narrow minded opinions of how the aesthetics are on the piece, how it doesn't mean anything at all. I would ask the question 'Was this piece of art made for your pleasing? Are you the desired person to view this? How dare you make an shallow assumption on a piece before you know what it stands for".


But that's just me, in February i went to Barcelona where i felt i had visually and mentally changed my thought process and remembered what i do care for. I've been to Barcelona before but wasn't in the right company to spend hours in the oh so many galleries, this round i did. I felt like i had an education on art, what i really needed and restoration in faith of the arts. I have found myself very lost with what i wanted, cared for or believed in. But that was just in the haze of depression which didn't help, but the main thing that got me through was drawing. 


This is when i realised that i wasn't cut out to make aesthetically pleasing work for clients and really deep down i am just an artists, who is trying to figure my way through life. And the best way of understanding this was through my sketchbooks. This is decided i should put my whole self into my work, quite late in deciding so but i feel i will develop more as an artist than i could ever as an illustrator. 


But anyway, i managed to go to 14 exhibitions at 8 galleries. I felt as i walked through the large gallery rooms adorned with art that i understood images and understood the concept better than ever before. 
For example Picasso where you see his earliest work in the 19th Centuary is very traditional painting, then  20th Century where he has hit his blue period you understand the painter emotionally as it was the spanish civil war, world wars current, and so on.


With MirĂ³ who has had many bouts of depression you can see how he work has developed, from intricate catalan painting to very surrealist and abstract triptychs. As i walked through each gallery space seeing how his work progress i could see how he as an artist, developed his process of thought. Using space as a medium and making it apparent. Like in  'Painting on White Background for the Cell of a Recluse' Using a simple line against so much negative space, it creates an atmosphere. Instead of drawings present it more points to what it is that is being shown and lets the viewer think about it. 



It completely does my head in when someone would walk up to a painting and just say, well what is it? Its just a squiggle on three massive canvas, but not think out of the drawing and see what it is intact like an installation. 


This being another triptych 'Blue' which is shown successfully well placed in a gallery enabling the viewer to sit in and take it all in. Let them think of what it means, what it could relate to them. This piece represents isolation and detachment, i personally think it works very well to that description. 

What is Depression?

This extract of text has been taken from Mental Health






What is depression?

Depression is different from feeling down or sad. Unhappiness is something which everyone feels at one time or another, usually due to a particular cause. A person suffering from depression will experience intense emotions of anxiety, hopelessness, negativity and helplessness, and the feelings stay with them instead of going away.
Depression can happen to anyone. Many successful and famous people who seem to have everything going for them battle with this problem. Depression also affects people of every age.
Half of the people who have depression will only experience it once but for the other half it will happen again. The length of time that it takes to recover ranges from around six months to a year or more.
Living with depression is difficult for those who suffer from it and for their family, friends, and colleagues. It can be difficult to know if you are depressed and what you can do about it.
From looking at this text i strongly believe depression is misunderstood as you can't physically see it, but people yet choose to ignore it or over look the tell tell signs of someone who is ill. Yet i believe also age is an issue, where adults would assume children are just fine, as after all they are kids right? Which is definitely wrong as it can affect anyone at any age. I believe this disease is overlooked too much and isn't taken seriously 

Signs and symptoms of depression

The following are the most common symptoms of depression. If you experience four or more of these symptoms for most of the day, every day for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.
  • Tiredness and loss of energy.
  • Sadness that doesn’t go away. 
  • Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem. 
  • Difficulty concentrating. 
  • Not being able to enjoy things that are usually pleasurable or interesting. 
  • Feeling anxious all the time. 
  • Avoiding other people, sometimes even your close friends. 
  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. 
  • Sleeping problems - difficulties in getting off to sleep or waking up much earlier than usual.
  • Very strong feelings of guilt or worthlessness. 
  • Finding it hard to function at work/college/school. 
  • Loss of appetite. 
  • Loss of sex drive and/or sexual problems. 
  • Physical aches and pains. 
  • Thinking about suicide and death. 
  • Self-harm. 
Suffering from either two or three of these symptoms can make your life complicated to lead, yet to imagine to have 16 of these. Where if you are falling back in one area of life, it is like a domino effect and with out help could lead to a terrible breakdown. 


What causes depression?

Depression can happen suddenly as a result of physical illness, experiences dating back to childhood, unemployment, bereavement, family problems or other life-changing events.
Examples of chronic illnesses linked to depression include heart disease, back pain and cancer. Pituitary damage, a treatable condition which frequently follows head injuries, may also lead to depression.
Sometimes, there may be no clear reason for your depression but, whatever the original cause, identifying what may affect how you feel and the things that are likely to trigger depression is an important first step.
I also believe that people feel like they must have an excuse or it's not deemed enough as a problem to be able to ask for help. Any scenario or situation can lead to anything and no one knows at all how a person feels deep down. There is a point of worry of being judged or treated differently, but i believe many people do suffer with out saying so.  

Types of depression

There are several types of depression, some of which are listed below.
Mild depression
Depression is described as mild when it has a limited negative effect on your daily life. For example, you may have difficulty concentrating at work or motivating yourself to do the things you normally enjoy.
Major depression
Major depression interferes with an individual’s daily life - with eating, sleeping and other everyday activities. Some people may experience only one episode but it is more common to experience several episodes in a lifetime. It can lead to hospital admission, if the person is so unwell they are at risk of harm to themselves.
Bi-polar disorder
The mood swings in bi-polar disorder can be extreme - from highs, where the individual feels extremely elated and indestructible, to lows, where they may experience complete despair, lethargy and suicidal feelings. Sometimes people have very severe symptoms where they cannot make sense of their world and do things that seem odd or illogical. 

Post-natal depression 

Many new mothers experience what are sometimes called 'baby blues' a few days after the birth. These feelings of anxiety and lack of confidence are very distressing but in most cases last only a couple of weeks. Post-natal depression is more intense and lasts longer. It can leave new mothers feeling completely overwhelmed, inadequate and unable to cope. They may have problems sleeping, panic attacks or an intense fear of dying.
They may also experience negative feelings towards their child. It affects one in ten mothers and usually begins two to three weeks after the birth.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
SAD is associated with the start of winter and can last until spring when longer days bring more daylight. When it is mild, it is sometimes called ‘winter blues’. SAD can make the sufferer feel anxious, stressed and depressed. It may interfere with their moods and with their sleeping and eating patterns.

I have been diagnosed with Depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which i have explained below. Which i have collected the information from NHS.
Someone with PTSD will often relive the traumatic event through nightmares and flashbacks, and they may experience feelings of isolation, irritability and guilt. They may also have problems sleeping, such as insomnia, and find concentrating difficult.
A person with PTSD will often relive the traumatic event through nightmares and flashbacks, and have feelings of isolation, irritability and guilt.
I aim to record my dreams that i have been having which tend to be reoccuring and very visual for research and ideas for my final outcome. 
The symptoms of PTSD usually develop during the first month after a person witnesses a traumatic event. However, in a minority of cases (less than 15%), there may be a delay of months or even years before symptoms start to appear.
Some people with PTSD experience long periods when their symptoms are less noticeable. This is known as symptom remission. These periods are often followed by an increase in symptoms. Other people with PTSD have severe symptoms that are constant.
You can call these 'bouts' where its unpredictable when they are coming or going.

Re-experiencing

Re-experiencing is the most typical symptom of PTSD.
A person will involuntarily and vividly relive the traumatic event in the form of flashbacks, nightmares or repetitive and distressing images or sensations. Being reminded of the traumatic event can evoke distressing memories and cause considerable anguish.
As i stated before about keeping a dream journal.

Avoidance

Trying to avoid being reminded of the traumatic event is another key symptom of PTSD.
Reminders can take the form of people, situations or circumstances that resemble or are associated with the event.
Many people with PTSD will try to push memories of the event out of their mind. They do not like thinking or talking about the event in detail.
These can come back with flashbacks as you get older and remember the memories which you automatically blocked. 
Some people repeatedly ask themselves questions that prevent them from coming to terms with the event. For example, they may wonder why the event happened to them and whether it could have been prevented.

Hyperarousal (feeling 'on edge')

Someone with PTSD may be very anxious and find it difficult to relax. They may be constantly aware of threats and easily startled. This state of mind is known as hyperarousal.
Irritability, angry outbursts, sleeping problems and difficulty concentrating are also common.

Emotional numbing

Some people with PTSD deal with their feelings by trying not to feel anything at all. This is known as emotional numbing. They may feel detached or isolated from others and have feelings of guilt.
This is a big point i want to look at in my film, the idea of being numb, isolated and completely detached. 
Someone with PTSD can often seem deep in thought and withdrawn. They may also give up activities that they used to enjoy.

Other symptoms

Other possible symptoms of PTSD include:
As with may other mental health conditions, PTSD sometimes leads to the breakdown of relationships and causes work-related problems.